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LUDO IS BAD AND SHOULD FEEL BAD

"Ludo (/ˈljuːdoʊ/; from Latin ludo, meaning 'I play') is a strategy board game for two to four players, in which the players race their four tokens from start to finish according to the rolls of a single die." - Wikipedia entry on Ludo

pixel rendition of a Ludo board

First of all, let's get this out of the way;

THERE IS NO STRATEGY IN LUDO

You just roll dice and move your counters across the board. It's all you fucking do. It's ENTIRELY luck-based.

Getting a game started

Yes, you could play alone on some online game, with 3 AI opponents. But you know those AIs are going to cheat, so why willingly put yourself up against even worse odds than you already have in an average Ludo game?

No, you gotta find real human beings for this. Maybe your friends, maybe your family, maybe complete strangers on the Internet - whatever. Chances are, if you drop someone a friendly invite to play Ludo with you, they'll know how painful it is and politely(?) decline. But if they don't; well, that's great! :))))

Of course, if you're feeling particularly devious, you can invite your real life friends/family/strangers under the guise of doing something more innocuous; a 4-player console game of lesser or equal pain, for instance. Just keep in mind that if the game of Ludo you make them play instead ends up being a miserable nightmare, they probably won't forgive you. (Like they'd have forgiven you if you hit them with a Blue Shell in the game you didn't actually play, right?)

How to "play"

  1. In most rule sets, you have to roll a 6 just to get a counter out of the bloody yard (the starting area). YOU CAN TAKE UPWARDS TO INFINITY JUST TO BEGIN THE GAME.
  2. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die. Roll the die.
    Every player has to travel the same excruciating amount of spaces around the board. Some players will roll higher than others. You can't control this. The only thing you can control is which counter you move. If your luck is down today/this month/this year, GOOD LUCK GETTING YOUR COUNTERS ANYWHERE
  3. If you land on the same space as another player's counter, that player's counter has to go back to start. This can happen anywhere, anytime; especially around each player's yard. This can set back a player who's leading by a mile, but because that player (usually) has to try and roll 6 to get their thwarted counter back onto the game track, the game will then take that much longer, and everyone loses as a result. By the way, did you know that in some variants of the game's rules, you can't pass other players' counters, and either have to wait for them to move forward or manage to land on them? :)))
  4. Even the rules for getting to the goal area can vary! In some rule variants, you have to make a precise roll to get your counter between other counters of yours that already reached the goal - else, you move another counter able to move, or you skip your turn. It's essentially the "roll 6" crap all over again. And if someone lands on your counter before you can get it to safety? :))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Okay, so this rant may have been exaggerated for effect. It's still a bad board game, though.
Shoutouts to 360Chrism